There was an interesting article written by a woman who
30 years ago had locked her husband out and finished their relationship because she discovered he was having an affair. This came as a real shock because she loved her husband very much and did not want the marriage to end, yet felt she had no choice because he had broken the marriage promises they had made to one another.
Just a few days later another woman wrote an article because she was on the other side of the results of an affair. Her husband asked her over the phone, while she was in the States, ‘Are you having an affair?” Yes, she replied. When she arrived home the locks on their flat had been changed and even though her husband was home he refused to answer the door no matter how much she begged. She was devastated, as she also did not want her marriage to end because she, too, loved her husband.
Let’s be upfront, it is never right to break our marriage vows by having an affair with a third party.
The woman who was looking back after thirty years was asking herself whether in her case the affair should necessarily have been the end of the marriage. In doing so she was asking herself a very challenging question.
What was her part in creating the circumstances that led to her husband having an extramarital affair?
She concluded that she was at least partly responsible for creating the atmosphere that opened the door to the possibility of pulling apart between her and her husband. She was working very long hours, which made her tired and potentially uncooperative in maintaining her relationship with her husband. She said the signs were there, little talk, a kiss on the cheek rather than on the lips, no hugs, and a lack of sexual activity. All signs of pulling apart, a lack of oneness. She could now see that she bore some responsibility in creating the atmosphere which made the affair possible.
(In my opinion, this was no excuse for her husband breaking those promises we all make to one another when we marry. He should have instigated a frank discussion of how he was feeling. While she should have seen the signs of separation and discontent that were evident)
What can we learn from the experience of these women’s stories?
Maintain our oneness regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in, by being aware of the signs that indicate a growing weakening of togetherness in our partnership.
Have you stopped talking, do you ask about what your partner is thinking and feeling about your relationship?
When asked, are you honest about what you are thinking and feeling?
Do you still hug just for the joy of belonging with one another?
Do you still kiss on the lips?
Do you still love doing things to express your love for your partner?
In the epilogue of my book, “Oneness – experiencing God’s Design for Marriage”, you will find the challenge of discovering what you are like to live with. For me, even writing this was a great challenge and very revealing. My book challenged me and found me
wanting. It changed me.
You will also find a “Marriage Health Indicator.”
Please read Chapter 11, “Marriage check-up” before you attempt the health indicator as this must be used in the right way.
You can buy my book, “Oneness – Experiencing sing God’s design for Marriage’ by going to the BOOKS SECTION on my website.
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